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HELL, YES vs HELL, NO! aka ROUGHAGE

November 20, 2012 1 comment

The importance of diet has become critical for me. In other words, when they say, “No roughage” they mean “NO ROUGHAGE.” Okay, I put some celery in my chicken and rice, I pulled all the strings off and knew that that would make it ok. WRONG! Then there were the water chestnuts. Given an opportunity I will put water chestnuts in everything. I even chopped them really, really small. Again, WRONG! And, who the hell knew pimentoes were considered roughage. Certainly not I.

I will not go into any further details except to say that the after effects kept me bedridden for two days, on the verge of tears over my own stupidity, and a repeated mantra of soft food only, soft foot only, soft food only!

Don’t even go there with me!

Categories: Uncategorized

ONE OF THE FIRST EXPERIENCES IN THE NORTHLAND

July 11, 2011 Leave a comment

Who would ever have expected that a simple change in the pronunciation of a word could bring about such confusion. After moving to Minnesota over 35+ years ago, my first trip through the Upper Peninsula of Michigan would surprise the hell out of me. There were signs saying “PASTIES IN FIVE MILES,” ‘GET YOUR PASTIES IN THREE MILES,’ and ‘YOU CAN’T BEAT OUR PASTIES.”

I moved here from Los Angeles, I knew what pasties were since I had, upon occasion, used them myself. Little did I know that the UP was the producer of such dancing accoutrements.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered they were simply a pocket pie filled with meat and vegetables. I should have known. It turns out that Michigan has more statues of Mary in a Bathtub than any other state in the union.

(By the way, the state motto of Michigan is: “If you want to see a nice peninsula, just look around.” It sounds classier in French.)

I LIED

July 4, 2011 Leave a comment

Okay, I lied. When I said I just wished I could be home all the time I was wrong. I really meant I wished I could stay home all the time and not be limited to bed rest. The highlight of my days now include hobbling to the bathroom, hobbling to the kitchen and best of all, taking a shower. Never have I wanted to clean house so badly. Or go to the grocery store. Or, or, or.

Be careful what you ask for or just be a bit more specific!

Categories: Uncategorized

I BROKE MY FOOT–CRAP!

July 2, 2011 Leave a comment

What a exciting week for My Right Foot I (hereafter referred to as MRF.) I started Monday off with the first day of my two in a row off. That meant get as much done on Monday as I possible could so that I could spend Tuesday being a slob, also known as lying around, reading, surfing the web, generally doing nothing, in other words. What’s that line?  “The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft a-gley.” Robert Burns jumped up and bit me in the ass.

First part of the day was spent shopping. Oh, joy. Best Buy, SuperOne, Target and finally, Office Max. For all of you that know me, I was ready to explode.  At Office Max smiled and asked, “Are you having a nice day?” Now I work retail, I say all the things I’m supposed to say and at that moment I turned into the worst customer I could ever have. “It’s going to be great once I get home, I am suffering from retail overload and am ready to explode from exposure to flourescent lights.” Charming, I’m sure. He stumbled through the rest of the transaction and I heard a visible sigh of relief as the doors closed behind me.

Home again, home again jiggity jig. That always runs through my mind as I pull into the driveway, pop the van open, unload the groceries and start on the in home chores. In the middle of putting the groceries away, I decided to do a load of laundry so that I would be doing two things at once. Oh, and as long as I was in the basement I could clean the catbox. Joy, oh, joy. Karma for rudeness I realized. I grabbed the trash bags and headed down the stairs. Okay, I started down the stairs at a full rush. Eager to clean that cat box? No, not really, just fast is the only speed I know.

Wait, I also know STOP. And I came to a full one when my left foot went out from under me and my right foot bent a full 180° in the WRONG direction. I tried to “cow-person up” and hobbled over to the cat box and immediately knew that changing it wasn’t an option. So, I threw in a load of laundry, limped upstairs, then looked at my foot and went, oops, maybe I should get this x-rayed. Yep, it’s broke and it sure has slowed me down. As in “immobilized” me. So, here I am, sharing the news and letting you know that I have heard that lemon bars help heal bones, oh, and white chocolate raspberry cheese cake, and I don’t want to forget the ever healing properties of chocolate.

ADDENDUM: FOR THOSE CONCERNED WITH MY SHOPPING AT TARGET: I ONLY SHOP THERE WHEN THEY HAVE WHAT IS CALLED A “LOSS LEADER.” THAT IS SOMETHING THAT THEY SELL FOR LESS THAN WHAT THEY PAID FOR IT AND USE IT TO LURE PEOPLE INTO THE STORE TO SPEND EXTRA $$$ ON IMPULSE. I ONLY PURCHASE THE LOSS LEADER, THEREBY COSTING THEM MONEY AND USE MY DEBIT CARD TO PAY SO THEY HAVE TO ALSO PAY THE FEES. I FEEL BETTER NOW!

HOW THE WORLD REALLY WORKS

June 11, 2011 Leave a comment

I suppose that none of us should be surprised by this. Reality takes up a very small portion in the world as we see it. I am constantly having my jaw drop to the floor as I scream “WTF” only in expanded form. I use the internet as a diversion. Not necessarily as a diversion from the world, but as a way to learn more about the world.

I am constantly running across views that we never see if we read the local newspaper, watch the national news or even spend a reasonable amount of time listening to public radio. Does this make me feel any better? Hell, no. Instead I am find myself using facebook as a forum for my views on the world. I post articles, cartoons and opinions that fall into my field of thinking.

What does that mean? It means I get to read something, approve it and share it. But, where are my opinions about this. Oh, someone else is going to show them to you. Sometimes I may have an opinion worth sharing.Or, have I become so lazy that I just let others think for me? Is that my new reality? Hopefully, I will start to change that as I have made a commitment to myself to participate instead of just watch the world go by.

While the days of overt activism may be over, I can share these opinions on the WWW and get some of this internal ranting out there for you to enjoy. Bon appetit!

Here’s the link that the above graphic comes from.

My, My, Why Aren’t We Still Doing This?

December 5, 2010 Leave a comment

There are definitely some things that escape my imagination. And, now I believe you will be as gobsmacked as I was!

 

 

The Migration of Pictures After Death will put you in the perfect mood for a beverage or two. Please don’t hate me for posting this, if you know me well, you know I couldn’t help myself.

Is It Spring Yet?

December 4, 2010 Leave a comment

It has started. It, of course, meaning winter. With my Native intelligence I predicted that this would be a “snow” winter and to this point in time it seems as if I am right on. The greatest thing about a snowy winter is the early announcement of an upcoming blizzard. Ready set prepare:

  • Food–check
  • Diet Coke–check
  • Food–check again
  • Movies–check
  • Books–check (cover quite well by the acquisition of a nookcolor)
  • Food–recheck
  • Pet food-check
  • Blankets–check

Wait a minute. This is beginning to look like too much work. I guess the most important item is “Will the Mall be closed?” This rates up there because I work retail and going to work in a blizzard sucks on, oh, so many levels! Luckily most people are smart enough to stay inside on these days enjoying the aforementioned list, many diehard shoppers feel it necessary to get their Mall Fix come hell or high snow! After at work, the only thing keeping me alive is the fact that there is a caffeine fix right there in the store and with it I can deal with anything.

Of course, we are now in the throes of “Holiday Madness.” No, not yet, that really comes just a couple of days before the “Holiday.” That is the point where anything not nailed down will be purchased with a gift receipt so that the day after the “Holiday” I can hear crabby people say, “I don’t know why my (son, daughter, husband) got me a (Mario Chess Set, The Joy of Sex, Cooking for Dummies) but, I don’t want it. What? I have to get store credit? I am (illiterate, only interested in Victoria’s Secret, don’t care–just give me the money.)”

The days of spring will be here soon, in about six months, until then I have a great excuse to pack on the pounds, complain about work and read until my eyes are crossed. Life doesn’t get much better than this, does it?

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