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LEARNING THANKFULNESS
I have spent much of my thinking about being mindfully thankful. I’m certain that thankfulness passed through my mind at various times of the year and just doesn’t get acknowledged or passed over so quickly I am not even aware that it has occurred. I vow to find at least one thing a day and be honestly thankful for the wonder of my life. It need not be noticeable or an earth shattering event to elicit this reaction.
With the chaos of the daily world assaulting us on an hourly basis, it is easy to forget how grateful we could be for our own little corner of life. I have withdrawn from the news in trying to do this. Unfortunately I am hopelessly addicted to the news and needed to find another way to deal with these atrocities. I think I have found it.
I discovered 60 Things to be Grateful for in Life while googling “thankfulness” out in “web-world.” I will use it daily and add small, seemingly insignificant things I usually overlook as I go through my day. I hope you do, too.
I’M GLAD IT’S TODAY
Yesterday was a doozy. I was having a day and filled it with as much self-pity, pissing and moaning and hand wringing as I could muster. I filled every dramatic skill in my repertoire of . Pity party par excellence–and the award goes to…
A lot of it had to do with health issues and that turned out as a kick in the butt to get my energy into a more positive vein. I was so frustrated I hit the internet with a vengeance and ended up finding a lot of information that I needed to know a year ago. So, I suppose there i was a purpose in that whiny interlude.
Other than that, things are going well. As my energy level increases I look forward to doing more and more. When taking a shower and washing one’s hair becomes a giant step worthy of noting as an accomplishment, well, I just have to take it and run with it. (The sound of the crowd is overwhelming you right about now.)
Each day I am more and more grateful for the my family and friends. All of you have kept me on the road to recovery in the best possible way and have helped me accomplish as much as I have. I may piss and moan yet, I know my life is a walk in the park compared to some.
And, just to help me keep track of my very own reality…Piglet shows me the way.
WHAT? NO DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS FOR THREE MONTHS?
Apparently I have passed a milestone. This is the joyous news that I do not have a doctor appointment for at least three months. That is amazing! For the past nine months I have had between two to four appointments per month just to keep me on my toes. I still face another surgery, however, by waiting for three months it will be an easier task.
No gory details. The biggest problem I have had for the past few months has been the most incredible mood swings of my life. All who know me know that mood swings are a general operating procedure for me. However, the moods have mostly been on the down side and through the joys of chemistry and oral medication I have been able to pull myself off the roller coaster and can think with a clearer mind. This means reading has returned as a joy, I am learning the value of finding the lost socks under the bed and have even mended a shirt. Don’t worry, I have not become completely domesticated. I still don’t see dust.
I am teaching myself refrigerator maintenance. This should have been a required course for me in junior high school as opposed to sewing. I am the queen of condiments. I love fourteen kinds of mustard, pickles, and peppers. I want immediate access to any fruit or vegetable that I knew I would eat come Tuesday. I am working on meal planning and learning that miscellaneous side accoutrements in stand alone deli displays in the grocery store.
So, who knows what the next three months will bring. Perhaps I shall learn the glory as Home Manager, Plant Grower and Domestic Goddess. Keep an eye open for an update. I won’t be getting my hopes up that this will be a total success and I recommend that you don’t either. Check back for updates and don’t be surprised by anything that may happen.
ADHD HOUSEKEEPING (OR MECCA LECCA HI, MECCA HINEY HO)
Can this be true? Of course it can:
Re-pot new plants- Clean mess from potting plants
- Dry table from potting plants
- Dishes
- Laundry
- Clean Oven(Actually cleaning itself after I accidentally used furniture polish on it.)
- Fold yesterday’s Laundry
- Iron (I don’t believe it, either.)
- Throw rubber chicken for dog
- Try and find camera to take picture of dog with chicken in mouth
- Check internet
- Decide to write blog entry….WAIT–BACK TO WORK, YOU SLACKER!
I have no middle ground. For some reason I seem to think that I can do one week’s worth of chores in one day. I am currently undergoing READING WITHDRAWAL and must return to it for rejuvenation.
Oh, wait, there is dinner or there is cookies for dinner. The nice thing about cookies for dinner is that it leaves a free hand for reading!
What ADHD has done for me
At age 64 I think I am finally giving up the pursuit of perfection in my being. At least, I hope I have. It is a strange thing to be diagnosed at 50 and to have it explain the missing achievements of the past. So, as I look around my bedroom at the stacks of clothes not put away, books not read, drawers left half-open I find that I finally want to let go of the feeling of failing for being able to keep it things in the perfect order that I have been brainwashed into believing that they should be.
I am absolutely certain that the number of broken bones I have incurred, the cuts, the falls, the clumsiness can be attributed to the ADHD. While my career as a ballerina was in no way affected since it was never a goal, I can see why so many things in my life happened the way they did. Crazy parental behavior played a part in it, also. By the time high school graduation arrived I had lived in no fewer than four states, twelve cities and, at a minimum, fifteen houses, apartments, and hovels. This does not include the few empty houses my mother broke into so we wouldn’t sleep in an alley somewhere.
All of this has led to a strange affliction of self doubt, feelings of total insecurity and an absolute tendency to say whatever is on my mind at the most inopportune moments. It has also created an individual that has survived much of with a wicked sense of humor, a cornucopia of useless knowledge and a level of guilt that I am now totally willing to pass on to some void in the sky.
Meanwhile, the pile of books sets untouched, the clothes are easier to get to and I have to go now and do something that doesn’t require me to sit still for more that 10 minute.
WHERE DOES ALL THE TIME GO?
“It is better to pass boldly into that other world, in the full glory of some passion, than to fade and wither dismally with age.” – James Joyce
Where the hell did the old 24 hours a day go. Approaching 65 (quickly) hours have been compressed into half hours or extended into four hours. Examples: At work 8 hours=32 hours. At home 16 hours=8 hours. Oh, and the need for sleep has increased which cuts further into that eight hours I thought I had to cook, read, do laundry, sleep, watch meaningless tv and carry on a meaningful conversation with the man who adores me.
This aging thing is really is beginning to suck big time. We are all told about the obvious things that happen. Dropping body parts, drying skin, aching joints and on and on and on. But there are the things they forgot to mention. Shrinking bladder means not a full night’s sleep and if I make it another ten years I may have to invent a toilet bed, oh, wait, that’s a “home” isn’t it.
And what’s with this “liver spot” thing? You can play connect the dots on the back of my hands and I’m sure they are in the places on my body where I can no longer see. (These places increase hyper-proportionately with the years.) Now, the big news about these little spots is: They also accumulate in your brain! So, that name you were trying to remember in that movie (the name escapes me) is now occupied by a “liver spot.” Oh, joy.
Did I mention that the fat proportion in your body weight increases? So, who knew? My ass, that’s who. Our nerves start to deteriorate, oh, that doesn’t matter, you can’t see that so it doesn’t count. And if you hide 99% of the rest of your body none of it matters. That is until you realize you are now a lizard and your skin sheds nightly and you spend more on moisturizer than the country is spending on wars. (Oops, got a little political there.)
The ability to concentrate diminishes. Tie that with ADD and the next thing you know, well, you don’t know, that’s the problem. Ability to read more than half an hour at a time. Gone… Ability to remember becomes replaced with, “Huh? what was I saying?” Ability to multi-task drops to ability to walk from one room to the other and know why. Sometimes.
Where I am going with all of this? I forgot. Oh, yeah, I really want to do something…I just can’t decide. Read, yeah, that was it. Now where did I put my Nook?
HOW THE WORLD REALLY WORKS
I suppose that none of us should be surprised by this. Reality takes up a very small portion in the world as we see it. I am constantly having my jaw drop to the floor as I scream “WTF” only in expanded form. I use the internet as a diversion. Not necessarily as a diversion from the world, but as a way to learn more about the world.
I am constantly running across views that we never see if we read the local newspaper, watch the national news or even spend a reasonable amount of time listening to public radio. Does this make me feel any better? Hell, no. Instead I am find myself using facebook as a forum for my views on the world. I post articles, cartoons and opinions that fall into my field of thinking.
What does that mean? It means I get to read something, approve it and share it. But, where are my opinions about this. Oh, someone else is going to show them to you. Sometimes I may have an opinion worth sharing.Or, have I become so lazy that I just let others think for me? Is that my new reality? Hopefully, I will start to change that as I have made a commitment to myself to participate instead of just watch the world go by.
While the days of overt activism may be over, I can share these opinions on the WWW and get some of this internal ranting out there for you to enjoy. Bon appetit!
Here’s the link that the above graphic comes from.
Spoons, Perez Prado and Things That Make Me Go WooHoo
I am absolutely certain that for many of you spoons will not take up an inordinate amount of thinking time. Well, let me tell you something.
There are many attributes to spoons and being a true connoisseur I am here to share the knowledge that you have perhaps missed in your education about eating utensils.
Winter is soup time. Soup means spoons. And soup spoons mean a lot of different things to different people. The array of spoons above are displayed in a fan based upon size. There are:
- teaspoons
- dessert spoons
- soup spoons
- tablespoons
- serving spoons
Though soup spoons and dessert spoons have the same capacities they are for the most part quite different. However, it is interesting that people often use them interchangeably. A soup spoon’s shape is round having a concave bowl. A dessert spoon on the other hand will be egg-like in shape. So, in terms of capacity a tablespoon is the equivalent of three teaspoons while two soup or dessert spoons are equivalent to one tablespoon.
And, now the point of the spoon presentation. I detest any spoon smaller than a ‘tablespoon.’ Eating soup from a teaspoon causes one’s lips to curl up due to the high sides of the spoon. Dessert spoons are useless. If I’m having dessert give me a big damned spoon. Soup spoons are round and shallow, so that while they don’t cause one’s lips to curl, they do cause one to get a very small mouthful of soup.
It is at this point I will point out that as a child I was taught to eat soup with a soup spoon and to say the following:
As the ships go out to sea, I dip my spoon away from me.
Yeah, right. If I’m ever sitting next to anyone who knows me and expects me to eat soup with a soup spoon in that fashion, well, good luck with that.
But, I digress. I have eaten soup with a ‘tablespoon’ for years. Not dipping away from me, but with a shoveling motion getting as much into my mouth as is possible in one swoop. Well, tonight I ‘accidentally’ grabbed a ‘serving’ spoon as I carried my tray of soup, crackers and butter to bed to watch La grande finale of Project Runway. While having the bitch Gretchen win was almost enough to make me have indigestion, I discovered just how much soup I could force into my mouth with a ‘serving’ spoon and that totally pushed me past the disgust at the outcome of the show.
The only thing that I can think of that comes close to this ‘foodie’ discovery is when I found that a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup is always Bite Size.
Now to Perez Prado. I started watching Iris this afternoon. I haven’t seen it for years and truly love everything about the movie. When the song “Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White” started playing in one of the scenes, the name of Perez Prado popped right out of my mouth. Great! This means that while I am watching a movie about the onset of Alzheimer’s just made me as smug as one could be. That is, until I also remembered that with that particular disease, the memories of long ago stay very well while the question of why I am standing in front of the refrigerator door for 10 minutes while I try to remember exactly what it is that I am looking for escapes me. I am still feeling pretty cocky about remembering Perez Prado, screw the concept of the aging mind, I can’t really remember why it matters anyway.
And, the things that make me go woohoo today are:
- Tina brought me presents from Philadelphia that included a garlic press, silicone ice cube trays shaped like fish, hearts and bon bons, candy, a basket and a beautiful silk scarf to tie it all together.
- If I lose another pound I will be below 200 lbs for the first time in oh so many years. The highlight is that I increased the lie on my driver’s license from 150 to 175 and am now so much closer to a truthful driver. (Did you know that if you are more than 25 lbs off on your stated weight it is a crime in MN? I am just waiting for the cop to tell me, “Sarah, you look much fatter than 175 lbs.” )
- I am making a blog entry after oh so many months and it feels good again. Maybe something I should keep up on, whataya think?
I suppose that’s it for this episode. Please stay tuned for further updates.
For My Friend
I have been thinking of this friend a lot lately. A life that is on the “Where do I fit and what does it all mean and who am I?” trek and it is definitely a tough one. Trust me, I know.
I have been wanting to say something of great importance to him, the problem being, “How do I sum up my philosophy of life and pass that on?” (Be prepared, this is momentous.) It began with the concept of how does one explain happiness? How does one know when one is happy? Does happy even count? On and on and on. This was certainly one of the most important things I was going to say in my life and it had to be just perfect. (I hate it when imperfect maxims come back and bite me in the ass.)
So, here is how it became resolved for me. I was making a cheese sandwich. I reached in the refrigerator and grabbed the Miracle Whip. Now, I remember the days (the “single-it’s all about me” days) when having a jar of Miracle Whip in my refrigerator would have caused me to go into a rant about the supremacy of Hellman’s Mayonnaise and “How could anybody ever eat this shit?”
The lightning bolt hit! I had it. The secret to my knowing about my place in life was simply not worrying about which was better. It didn’t matter. All I wanted was a damned cheese sandwich and no damned argument with myself was going to ruin the pleasure of making and eating it.
So, the meaning of life can be summed up in this statement…
MAYONNAISE OR MIRACLE WHIP — IT DOESN’T MATTER!
Now, if that isn’t profound, I don’t know what is!
(Except for the second meaning of life, which is comfortable shoes.)
WHATEVER WAS I THINKING? 