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SHE’S BACK!!!
Dear Friends and Loved Ones:
I know it has been a while since my presence was felt on the interweb, but I am here to put an end to it. If you want the short version here it is: I am well on my way to recovery and will be back to full strength soon.
For the stronger of heart and those who are dying for the details, read on.
The surgery I had on August 9th was to restore my body back to somewhat normal operation. Didn’t happen. All of you know that it wouldn’t be a medical episode unless somewhere along the line someone says, “It was the worst I had ever seen.” That’s what happened this time. Again. The takedown process on the ileostomy wasn’t possible. There was about a foot of my large intestines that had not been getting the blood supply that it needed to stay alive and as a direct result, it died. So, I will have an ostomy forever and will make poop jokes as often as I can. I am not freaked by it, it has basically been an “It is what it is” experience.
The reason I have not been discussing it before now came about because of the complications after the surgery. My adrenal glands failed and I ended up in Intensive Care for three days. Luckily I don’t remember this at all except for the part where they tied my hands to the bed rails because I wanted to pull the NG tube out. They were smart to not believe me because I was fibbing and we all knew it.
I ended up back on the floor pumped full of steroids with a body that resembled the Michelin tire mascot and with a bit more time than we expected in the hospital. I know, “Hard to believe.” For those interested in what I call the “I’ve never seen this before!” Nurse Award I will tell you that when they gave me the medicine to get all the fluid out of my body I ended up with 7 liters of pee pee (urine) bloating my pee pee bag and causing a general round of gasps on the floor.
It has taken until today for me to feel like venturing out of my self-imposed recovery and perspective adjustment period and I will definitely be back raising hell at full throttle within a day or so. Thanks for all of your support and understanding. I am sure that it was and will continue as a source of healing for me.
YES, THOSE ARE MY FEET. HARD TO BELIEVE, ISN’T IT?
LOOK MY RIGHT FOOT IS DOING A MODIFIED PEACE SIGN!
Anyone that has known me for any length of time knows that I have denied having feet at all. I have had, what I call, BUTT UGLY FEET all my life. At about 27 I was lucky enough (if you want to call it that) to need surgery to have bunions removed so I could walk more than two steps. After that there were years of hiding the feet since every time I looked at them all I saw were monster feet.
As I aged they continued to disappoint me more and more. Growing from size 9 to 10-11 with sausage toes that started growing in their own little directions, I would only go barefoot at home and still tried to hide them when someone else was in the room. This would have been fine for the rest of my life without my wonderful girl child intervening.
“Mom, you really should get a pedicure, you wouldn’t believe how great it is!” “Sure, sure,” I under my breath which roughly translated into “It’ll be a cold day in hell!” This was the same phrase I had said to a friend a few years ago knowing I would never-ever-ever let anyone touch my feet!
Fortunately, I will be going for surgery on Friday and I looked at my feet that were truly turning chicken claws and my resolve dissolved, so to speak. She the and I entered the salon with my head hung in shame, apologizing all the way to the huge, massaging recliner where I would submit to the horror of it all. As he brought out the tools of torture that I knew were going were insufficient to the task. I thought of suggesting a belt sander, but held my tongue.
Slowly but surely I felt my resistance waning. There was the vibrating chair on my tortured back, the warm, bubbly water relaxing my clenched toes and the next thing I knew, my feet were almost pretty! The foot massage he administered forced me to admit, “Hey, this isn’t so bad after all!” Darling daughter picked out the polish, the coup de grâce being the dazzling, sparkles. You know, I might do this again and again and again, and I have no problem admitting that once again I was WRONG!
WHATEVER WAS I THINKING? 