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LEARNING THANKFULNESS
I have spent much of my thinking about being mindfully thankful. I’m certain that thankfulness passed through my mind at various times of the year and just doesn’t get acknowledged or passed over so quickly I am not even aware that it has occurred. I vow to find at least one thing a day and be honestly thankful for the wonder of my life. It need not be noticeable or an earth shattering event to elicit this reaction.
With the chaos of the daily world assaulting us on an hourly basis, it is easy to forget how grateful we could be for our own little corner of life. I have withdrawn from the news in trying to do this. Unfortunately I am hopelessly addicted to the news and needed to find another way to deal with these atrocities. I think I have found it.
I discovered 60 Things to be Grateful for in Life while googling “thankfulness” out in “web-world.” I will use it daily and add small, seemingly insignificant things I usually overlook as I go through my day. I hope you do, too.
AND THE WHEEL GOES ROUND AND ROUND…
The truth is that life is like the dragon Ouroboros, and the wheel goes round and round.
It certainly does. I have been on the road to recovery for so long that it’s like I had no life before this. I know that’s not true, I just like being dramatic as often as I can. I am actually doing well. Had a few bumps with blood pressure issues (low, can you believe it?) and they are hopefully resolved by now. I don’t have the energy I would like and can’t wait for the physical therapy to put me back into prime shape. The thing that amazes me the most is that I am 66 with a 45-year-old mind. My daughter is 45 and I ask myself over and over, “How can we be the same age.”
The thing I need to focus on is setting up a schedule for a non-worker person. Procrastination coupled with my ADHD leads to some interesting scenarios around the house. The kind of scenario where I have to keep everything in the house on somewhat of an even keel and yet fail miserably. I have far too many books on organizing and if I had set that organization in place, I could find them.
Sam the Dog has become my constant companion. Following me from room to room as if I had the treats in my pocket and would just spontaneously give him one. Moo the Cat has been on a diet and has lost some weight but you would think we were starving him by the plaintive wails he emits by his food dish. The birds have discovered the bird feeder I put out last summer and now that it is fall are hitting regularly. This makes for Moo TV as he lies in the window just waiting for the opportunity to bang his head on the window when he sees a bird. I am going to have to find a more accessible spot for the winter since shoveling for a bird feeder is a little ludicrous.
I find that I work in spurts. There is so much to do that I can never see an end. Bottom line, we need a house that is three times the size of this for all of our treasures. Or, crap as some are sure to say. I have started winnowing the extras out. It meant I had let go of the worrying about the future when someday I might need it. I gave my giant slow cooker to beautiful daughter and lo and behold I thought I need it. Oh, but wait, don’t I have at least two dutch ovens that would cook enough pot roast for a family of 16. It came out great even if it was cooked in a traditional way.
This is the last post about health issues that I will write. Even I have of it.
MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH A PYREX BOWL
I love these bowls. I first came across the small on the left by some means I can’t recall. It is the best bowl for soup (lip for gulping the last of the broth.) any Asian food with rice or noodles (a place for your thumb so you can balance the bowl next to your mouth for easy shoveling,) or any damn thing you want to eat out of it in whatever way you see fit! The Amish pattern is quaint and once I looked at it closely I realized I loved it. Who knew I would like “Quaint?”
When Kim and I got married it was clear that there would be some struggle over the single bowl in our pantry. Since shopping online is my new favorite thing to do, eBay, here I come. I found a complete set of the nesting bowls and at a reasonable price and I snapped them right up. Problem solved…two small bowls and a complete set to boot. Well, except for the fact that I came across this picture and almost lost my resolve to stop before I got too carried away!
I am at the point now that I am going to put sticky notes on the variety of bowls, containers, pots, pans, Rubbermaid products and if I don’t use them in a month they are going to go live somewhere else. I teeter on the edge of hoarding and maybe if I get rid of the stuff I have taking up valuable shelf space in the kitchen, I can more easily dedicate myself to trying to get rid of those size 10 jeans that have been in my wardrobe since 1987!
I’M GLAD IT’S TODAY
Yesterday was a doozy. I was having a day and filled it with as much self-pity, pissing and moaning and hand wringing as I could muster. I filled every dramatic skill in my repertoire of . Pity party par excellence–and the award goes to…
A lot of it had to do with health issues and that turned out as a kick in the butt to get my energy into a more positive vein. I was so frustrated I hit the internet with a vengeance and ended up finding a lot of information that I needed to know a year ago. So, I suppose there i was a purpose in that whiny interlude.
Other than that, things are going well. As my energy level increases I look forward to doing more and more. When taking a shower and washing one’s hair becomes a giant step worthy of noting as an accomplishment, well, I just have to take it and run with it. (The sound of the crowd is overwhelming you right about now.)
Each day I am more and more grateful for the my family and friends. All of you have kept me on the road to recovery in the best possible way and have helped me accomplish as much as I have. I may piss and moan yet, I know my life is a walk in the park compared to some.
And, just to help me keep track of my very own reality…Piglet shows me the way.
NOT THE BEST NEWS, BUT NOT THE WORST, EITHER.
4:30 AM starts the day off, or finishes the night off as I fell asleep around 3:15. And, oh, how i would have loved to pull that blanket over my head and pretend I was Grace Jones for just a few more minutes. After all I don’t have to be at the hospital until 7:30. And that would have been fine except the Monk in me kicked in. If I have to be at the hospital at 7:30 and a shower and face fix and hair comb only take an hour, theoretically, I could go back to bed until 6AM. Fat chance!
There I was, having completed all the assigned tasks as assigned to myself for being presentable at the hospital. Well, except one. I think I am going to take a survey of how many people can successfully give them selves a fleet enema at 5 in the damned morning with the sun coming up and the birds twittering a song which I swear is “Na na na na noo noo.” Finally I decide, they’ve put up with a lot worse than someone showing up without giving themselves the prescribed torture prep.
There I am, bright and shiny, at 7:30 just waiting. And waiting quite calmly due to the effects of ATAVAN. When I say that I add a flourish so that is comes out A-A-TA-V-A-A-AN. This makes it sound to me like I am calling for butthole M-A-A-AN. you know kind of like Super Dog, Mighty Man, WONDER WOMA-A-A-N. Kinda like my own personal super pill.
When I say “Drugs are our Friends,” I mean it. I am too damned old to be trying to toughen up and take it like a, a what, an idiot. No thanks, pass that Atavan and keep it coming. It makes the fact the first x-ray machine was broken and after thrashing around for half an hour while the machine was manipulated needlessly because the DAMN THING WAS BROKE. It’s not one of those things you kick and go, “Yep, I think tha’s going to do it.”
Hey, here’s an idea, let’s take this cranky old lady who has been suffering by being confined to this rock hard surface and try and delicately move her onto a rolling torture vehicle to another room where the second machine will surely work. Glory be, it does. The drawback to this room is the unnatural twist to my head as I view the x-ray in progress. Now, I’m not a doctor, but I could immediately see the situation had not improved, and in fact had worsened. That was when SHIT, FU*K started bouncing off the walls in this small , metal enclosure. I only said it twice. I thought it another 145 times.
That parts over and it’s time to see my wonderful Doc who is going to tell me what I already know. Starting semi over. Removing some more of the large intestines, rehooking the two ends back up and waiting three months to see if it works this time. This all started a year and a week ago. It kind of reminds be of groundhog day…or the song: Here We Go Again…So around the middle August I will be layed out on a stainless steel table with masked avengers hovering around me looking forward to digging into an abdominal cavity that has seen better days.
And me, well, I’ll read, try not to get caught up in Candy Crush again, sneak as much chocolate into my diet as I can, followed by cheesecake and let out one of my little snorts which translate to, “So, what else is ne?”
The real bummer. My best friends are getting married on August 23 after living together in sin for over 25 years. I thank them for the effort and energy they have expended in their lives together to reach this point. Way to go…best wishes, mazel tov and don’t let the bastards get you down.
I BROKE MY FOOT–CRAP!
What a exciting week for My Right Foot I (hereafter referred to as MRF.) I started Monday off with the first day of my two in a row off. That meant get as much done on Monday as I possible could so that I could spend Tuesday being a slob, also known as lying around, reading, surfing the web, generally doing nothing, in other words. What’s that line? “The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft a-gley.” Robert Burns jumped up and bit me in the ass.
First part of the day was spent shopping. Oh, joy. Best Buy, SuperOne, Target and finally, Office Max. For all of you that know me, I was ready to explode. At Office Max smiled and asked, “Are you having a nice day?” Now I work retail, I say all the things I’m supposed to say and at that moment I turned into the worst customer I could ever have. “It’s going to be great once I get home, I am suffering from retail overload and am ready to explode from exposure to flourescent lights.” Charming, I’m sure. He stumbled through the rest of the transaction and I heard a visible sigh of relief as the doors closed behind me.
Home again, home again jiggity jig. That always runs through my mind as I pull into the driveway, pop the van open, unload the groceries and start on the in home chores. In the middle of putting the groceries away, I decided to do a load of laundry so that I would be doing two things at once. Oh, and as long as I was in the basement I could clean the catbox. Joy, oh, joy. Karma for rudeness I realized. I grabbed the trash bags and headed down the stairs. Okay, I started down the stairs at a full rush. Eager to clean that cat box? No, not really, just fast is the only speed I know.
Wait, I also know STOP. And I came to a full one when my left foot went out from under me and my right foot bent a full 180° in the WRONG direction. I tried to “cow-person up” and hobbled over to the cat box and immediately knew that changing it wasn’t an option. So, I threw in a load of laundry, limped upstairs, then looked at my foot and went, oops, maybe I should get this x-rayed. Yep, it’s broke and it sure has slowed me down. As in “immobilized” me. So, here I am, sharing the news and letting you know that I have heard that lemon bars help heal bones, oh, and white chocolate raspberry cheese cake, and I don’t want to forget the ever healing properties of chocolate.
ADDENDUM: FOR THOSE CONCERNED WITH MY SHOPPING AT TARGET: I ONLY SHOP THERE WHEN THEY HAVE WHAT IS CALLED A “LOSS LEADER.” THAT IS SOMETHING THAT THEY SELL FOR LESS THAN WHAT THEY PAID FOR IT AND USE IT TO LURE PEOPLE INTO THE STORE TO SPEND EXTRA $$$ ON IMPULSE. I ONLY PURCHASE THE LOSS LEADER, THEREBY COSTING THEM MONEY AND USE MY DEBIT CARD TO PAY SO THEY HAVE TO ALSO PAY THE FEES. I FEEL BETTER NOW!
HOW I CAME TO LOVE ANNA NICOLE SMITH
I will admit it. I have become totally attached to Anna Nicole Smith. It is as if she personifies the ultimate in women’s abuse, misuse and dismissal. I don’t know why I feel so protective of her. And, I don’t know if I want anyone to analyze the situation, either!This brought her back to the forefront of my mind.
It’s an article in the New York Magazine that points out most of the tragedies in her life and yet we seem to be very unforgiving of her. At some point along the line I also saw part of a documentary about her and considering where she came from, she was successful in breaking from a dirt, hard beginning.
Drugs have been the seductive part of Hollywood for a long time. And those that use drugs (parasites) to control or manipulate people have existed just as long. She was a victim of both with more tragedy than many of us could have handled. While she has been described as illiterate, I believe she was just under-educated. And that goes along with under-loved, under-protected, under-appreciated and under-helped which ultimately led to her death and the tragedy that surrounded it.
For My Friend
I have been thinking of this friend a lot lately. A life that is on the “Where do I fit and what does it all mean and who am I?” trek and it is definitely a tough one. Trust me, I know.
I have been wanting to say something of great importance to him, the problem being, “How do I sum up my philosophy of life and pass that on?” (Be prepared, this is momentous.) It began with the concept of how does one explain happiness? How does one know when one is happy? Does happy even count? On and on and on. This was certainly one of the most important things I was going to say in my life and it had to be just perfect. (I hate it when imperfect maxims come back and bite me in the ass.)
So, here is how it became resolved for me. I was making a cheese sandwich. I reached in the refrigerator and grabbed the Miracle Whip. Now, I remember the days (the “single-it’s all about me” days) when having a jar of Miracle Whip in my refrigerator would have caused me to go into a rant about the supremacy of Hellman’s Mayonnaise and “How could anybody ever eat this shit?”
The lightning bolt hit! I had it. The secret to my knowing about my place in life was simply not worrying about which was better. It didn’t matter. All I wanted was a damned cheese sandwich and no damned argument with myself was going to ruin the pleasure of making and eating it.
So, the meaning of life can be summed up in this statement…
MAYONNAISE OR MIRACLE WHIP — IT DOESN’T MATTER!
Now, if that isn’t profound, I don’t know what is!
(Except for the second meaning of life, which is comfortable shoes.)
WHATEVER WAS I THINKING? 