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I KNOW I PROMISED NO MORE HEALTH UPDATES, BUT I LIED.
In my last post I know I promised that health issues would be verboten in the future. I lied. While that was my goal, things took another turn in the Days Of Sarah’s Health.
I was having difficulty regulating my blood pressure, experiencing vertigo, and having a rapid pulse among a variety of other symptoms. After innumerable visits to the doctor it was decided I had POT Syndrome. Let there be no remarks from the peanut gallery regarding the name, please. I have already drawn all of the conclusions there are to draw without any help whatsoever.
Settling on that diagnosis, the doctors then decided that perhaps a CT scan of the brain would eliminate that one in a million chance there was a brain tumor. Well, no brain tumor, however…as was explained to me, an incidental diagnosis determined I had an aneurysm. One of those pesky precursors to a stroke that those of my age start to have nightmares about. It is a subdural cranial aneurysm that is 7mm in size. That’s not a great size. Why? Well, 7mm is on the cusp of doing something about it or letting it go and monitoring it. More CT scans, MRIs and doctor visits led to an appointment at Abbot Northwestern for a Cerebral Angiography.
I have been fairly paralyzed by this for about a week. Then slowly I have come to grips with it and have an abiding belief that everything will be FINE! That “FINE!” is to pronounced with the longest “F” sound possible.
So, my appointment is on the 11th. The goal was to get all of this in before the end of the year since I have hit my max out of pocket expenses for the year and after the first I will be on Medicare. So, that should explain my absence except for the occasional inappropriate comment or political rant.
AND THE WHEEL GOES ROUND AND ROUND…
The truth is that life is like the dragon Ouroboros, and the wheel goes round and round.
It certainly does. I have been on the road to recovery for so long that it’s like I had no life before this. I know that’s not true, I just like being dramatic as often as I can. I am actually doing well. Had a few bumps with blood pressure issues (low, can you believe it?) and they are hopefully resolved by now. I don’t have the energy I would like and can’t wait for the physical therapy to put me back into prime shape. The thing that amazes me the most is that I am 66 with a 45-year-old mind. My daughter is 45 and I ask myself over and over, “How can we be the same age.”
The thing I need to focus on is setting up a schedule for a non-worker person. Procrastination coupled with my ADHD leads to some interesting scenarios around the house. The kind of scenario where I have to keep everything in the house on somewhat of an even keel and yet fail miserably. I have far too many books on organizing and if I had set that organization in place, I could find them.
Sam the Dog has become my constant companion. Following me from room to room as if I had the treats in my pocket and would just spontaneously give him one. Moo the Cat has been on a diet and has lost some weight but you would think we were starving him by the plaintive wails he emits by his food dish. The birds have discovered the bird feeder I put out last summer and now that it is fall are hitting regularly. This makes for Moo TV as he lies in the window just waiting for the opportunity to bang his head on the window when he sees a bird. I am going to have to find a more accessible spot for the winter since shoveling for a bird feeder is a little ludicrous.
I find that I work in spurts. There is so much to do that I can never see an end. Bottom line, we need a house that is three times the size of this for all of our treasures. Or, crap as some are sure to say. I have started winnowing the extras out. It meant I had let go of the worrying about the future when someday I might need it. I gave my giant slow cooker to beautiful daughter and lo and behold I thought I need it. Oh, but wait, don’t I have at least two dutch ovens that would cook enough pot roast for a family of 16. It came out great even if it was cooked in a traditional way.
This is the last post about health issues that I will write. Even I have of it.
NOT THE BEST NEWS, BUT NOT THE WORST, EITHER.
4:30 AM starts the day off, or finishes the night off as I fell asleep around 3:15. And, oh, how i would have loved to pull that blanket over my head and pretend I was Grace Jones for just a few more minutes. After all I don’t have to be at the hospital until 7:30. And that would have been fine except the Monk in me kicked in. If I have to be at the hospital at 7:30 and a shower and face fix and hair comb only take an hour, theoretically, I could go back to bed until 6AM. Fat chance!
There I was, having completed all the assigned tasks as assigned to myself for being presentable at the hospital. Well, except one. I think I am going to take a survey of how many people can successfully give them selves a fleet enema at 5 in the damned morning with the sun coming up and the birds twittering a song which I swear is “Na na na na noo noo.” Finally I decide, they’ve put up with a lot worse than someone showing up without giving themselves the prescribed torture prep.
There I am, bright and shiny, at 7:30 just waiting. And waiting quite calmly due to the effects of ATAVAN. When I say that I add a flourish so that is comes out A-A-TA-V-A-A-AN. This makes it sound to me like I am calling for butthole M-A-A-AN. you know kind of like Super Dog, Mighty Man, WONDER WOMA-A-A-N. Kinda like my own personal super pill.
When I say “Drugs are our Friends,” I mean it. I am too damned old to be trying to toughen up and take it like a, a what, an idiot. No thanks, pass that Atavan and keep it coming. It makes the fact the first x-ray machine was broken and after thrashing around for half an hour while the machine was manipulated needlessly because the DAMN THING WAS BROKE. It’s not one of those things you kick and go, “Yep, I think tha’s going to do it.”
Hey, here’s an idea, let’s take this cranky old lady who has been suffering by being confined to this rock hard surface and try and delicately move her onto a rolling torture vehicle to another room where the second machine will surely work. Glory be, it does. The drawback to this room is the unnatural twist to my head as I view the x-ray in progress. Now, I’m not a doctor, but I could immediately see the situation had not improved, and in fact had worsened. That was when SHIT, FU*K started bouncing off the walls in this small , metal enclosure. I only said it twice. I thought it another 145 times.
That parts over and it’s time to see my wonderful Doc who is going to tell me what I already know. Starting semi over. Removing some more of the large intestines, rehooking the two ends back up and waiting three months to see if it works this time. This all started a year and a week ago. It kind of reminds be of groundhog day…or the song: Here We Go Again…So around the middle August I will be layed out on a stainless steel table with masked avengers hovering around me looking forward to digging into an abdominal cavity that has seen better days.
And me, well, I’ll read, try not to get caught up in Candy Crush again, sneak as much chocolate into my diet as I can, followed by cheesecake and let out one of my little snorts which translate to, “So, what else is ne?”
The real bummer. My best friends are getting married on August 23 after living together in sin for over 25 years. I thank them for the effort and energy they have expended in their lives together to reach this point. Way to go…best wishes, mazel tov and don’t let the bastards get you down.
NINE MONTHS, NO BABY. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
OK, I am now in a place where I can talk about the past weeks medical events.
MONDAY: The invasive x-ray that I insisted on seeing in real time. Unfortunately, I have been through this enough times to see that news wasn’t going to be the best.
THURSDAY:Saw my Wonderful Doctor! He saw the same thing in the x-ray that I saw but was in a better position to interpret the results. The best news would have been that it was time for a takedown of the ileostomy. Worst news would have been this was to be a permanent fixture in my life. (Believe it or not, I have prepared myself for that by assuming the worst.)
Luckily, Dr. Wonderful had a few more things to say about it. There are three choices.
1. Just hang around for another three or four months and see if it heals itself finally and try not to think about it. (Right, not going to happen!)
2. Have another invasive procedure that Dr. Wonderful will perform while I am knocked out so that I won’t be there to assist in the diagnosis. (Smart man.) This will give a clearer picture of what is what in there and decide if #1 or #3 is the best solution.
3. Surgical do over and start the process again. Not the best option, but a possibility that exists. Not as frightening as I once thought but not what I want either.
4. Accept my new friend as a life partner and get on with it. The down side to this is more subtle than obvious. The most obvious downside of this for me is the eventual acceptance that I will just have to deal with the effects of cruciferous vegetables in a fashion that cannot be done without having to actively participate in it.
I have finally gotten to the point that I can honestly only rely on the words of a very succinct philosopher of our times:
“And so it goes…”
— Kurt Vonnegut (Slaughterhouse-Five)
I Fought the Swine and I Won
It is now day 14 of the ongoing fight and I finally feel like I have rounded a corner. I have thoughts of getting up and doing things. How many things I could do or to what level remains to be seen. All I know is if anyone else out there had swine flu, I am so-o-o sorry.
I am going to see if I can connect this to my facebook page. Starting a new blog that isn’t on blogger is an intimidating action. My goal is to change what had been my previous bent. Or, vision. Or, whatever. My friend Kirk changed to WordPress a long time ago, in fact, I think it was about the time I quit posting on blogger.
It seems to be a little more “organized” and besides, every blogger blog looks like every other blogger blog. I will definitely try and be more productive. We’ll see.
Anybody want to go dancing?
WHATEVER WAS I THINKING? 