UNCENSORED AND WHO CARES ANYWAY?

THE PROPERTY

July 19, 2013 Leave a comment

The PropertyThe Property by Rutu Modan

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The story of a Jewish grandmother returning to Warsaw with her granddaughter to look for the property her family owned prior to World War II. Presented as a graphic novel the simple drawings manage to portray the tragedy and recovery of a story kept secret for many years.

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THE COOKED SEED: A MEMOIR

July 18, 2013 Leave a comment

The Cooked Seed: A MemoirThe Cooked Seed: A Memoir by Anchee Min

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I will admit that I am hopelessly drawn to memoirs and doubly trapped when written by  a person from a different culture. Anchee Min has written many historical novels about Chinese history and culture. This is her story, well told and brutally honest.

She begins with her birthplace in Shanghai and continues until her daughter prompts her to write this memoir. She details her difficulty getting to America, adjusting to a new culture and learning a new language to her overpowering desire to have a child and the predicament she finds herself in achieving this.

A strong woman who overcomes her own demons, she is willing to admit her errors and bares them with brutal honesty. Her love of her daughter, her second husband and her connection to her family still in China shows the depth of her commitment to living honestly and achieving the best that one can.

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NOT THE BEST NEWS, BUT NOT THE WORST, EITHER.

July 16, 2013 2 comments

4:30 AM starts the day off, or finishes the night off as I fell asleep around 3:15. And, oh, how i would have loved to pull that blanket over my head and pretend I was Grace Jones for just a few more minutes. After all I don’t have to be at the hospital until 7:30. And that would have been fine except the Monk in me kicked in. If I have to be at the hospital at 7:30 and a shower and face fix and hair comb only take an hour, theoretically, I could go back to bed until 6AM. Fat chance!

invisible2There I was, having completed all the assigned tasks as assigned to myself for being presentable at the hospital. Well, except one. I think I am going to take a survey of how many people can successfully give them selves a fleet enema at 5 in the damned morning with the sun coming up and the birds twittering a song which I swear is “Na na na na noo noo.” Finally I decide, they’ve put up with a lot worse than someone showing up without giving themselves the prescribed torture prep.

There I am, bright and shiny, at 7:30 just waiting. And waiting quite calmly due to the effects of ATAVAN. When I say that I add a flourish so that is comes out A-A-TA-V-A-A-AN.  This makes it sound to me like I am calling for butthole M-A-A-AN. you know kind of like Super Dog, Mighty Man, WONDER WOMA-A-A-N.  Kinda like my own personal super pill.

When I say “Drugs are our Friends,” I mean it. I am too damned old to be trying to toughen up and take it like a, a what, an idiot. No thanks, pass that Atavan and keep it coming. It makes the fact the first x-ray machine was broken and after thrashing around for half an hour while the machine was manipulated needlessly because the DAMN THING WAS BROKE. It’s not one of those things you kick and go, “Yep, I think tha’s going to do it.”

Hey, here’s an idea, let’s take this cranky old lady who has been suffering by being confined to this rock hard surface and try and delicately move her onto a rolling torture vehicle to another room where the second machine will surely work. Glory be, it does. The drawback to this room is the unnatural twist to my head as I view the x-ray in progress. Now, I’m not a doctor, but I could immediately see the situation had not improved, and in fact had worsened. That was when SHIT, FU*K started bouncing off the walls in this small , metal enclosure. I only said it twice. I thought it another 145 times.

That parts over and it’s time to see my wonderful Doc who is going to tell me what I already know. Starting semi over. Removing some more of the large intestines, rehooking the two ends back up and waiting three months to see if it works this time. This all started a year and a week ago. It kind of reminds be of groundhog day…or the song: Here We Go Again…So around the middle August I will be layed out on a stainless steel table with masked avengers hovering around me looking forward to digging into an abdominal cavity that has seen better days.

And me, well, I’ll read, try not to get caught up in Candy Crush again, sneak as much chocolate into my diet as I can, followed by cheesecake and let out one of my little snorts which translate to, “So, what else is ne?”

The real bummer. My best friends are getting married on August 23 after living together in sin for over 25 years. I thank them for the effort and energy they have expended in their lives together to reach this point. Way to go…best wishes, mazel tov and don’t let the bastards get you down.

OSTOMSM

MY NEW TOY (GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER)

June 17, 2013 Leave a comment

I have managed to put on all the weight that I lost during my medical hurdles last year. That is due to my lack of willpower, lemon pound cakes and avoiding exercise. Hard to believe that would allow 30 pounds to jump on my ass in a mere 6 months. Well, believe it.

I am paying the greatest price for having smoked for 42 years with the big Emphysema. That means that exercise is fairly low impact and basically consists of walking. On flat surfaces. I can see myself as that person prancing around the mall at 7AM. As if I would get up at that time to walk, much less at the mall. But, that is probably the  answer. I will have to walk alone since walking and talking are not compatible now. Maybe when I get more in shape and lose some weight that will change, but being the huffer (not heifer) and puffer that I am I am just going to walk against the clock, head down and hoping no one recognizes me.

NUTRIBULLETI have already lost five pounds. I give the credit to my new toy. I have only made a few major errors with it. Finding out that kale is cruciferous, along with my other favorite vegetables was a real drag. Discovering that I would prefer to eat a raw carrot than drink one was a pure joy.

I don’t think I could eat a banana, a cup of raspberries, an orange, almond milk and yogurt for breakfast, but I can sure drink it. Having this be a basis for two meals with no real carbohydrates or added sugar is a real bonus. I have to grind my flax seed and add it along with protein power to round this all out to bonus levels of energy.

I don’t recommend this as the only juicing machine out there, I am sure there are many that are just as good, all I can really say is this one is amazing. So amazing I got one for my daughter who is now making smoothies for herself and her family.

Now to move on to the exercise stage of this venture. Does walking to and from the refrigerator count?

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OSTEOWARRIORS, UNITE!

May 17, 2013 Leave a comment

poop bagI know that most of you know about the past year’s worth of surgery, testing, relapse and on and on and on.  I at peace with the process now and I just want to share what a very good friend I made from down in the South (you know who you are, Allie) who helped tremendously with the process of getting to this point and with a woman up here in the Northland (and,  yes,  Ellen it’s you!) who has also been a constant source of realism and humor!

Well, if you don’t have enough information by now, did you know WE HAVE A DAY? Unfortunately, it seems random depending on where you are, so I have decided EVERYDAY IS OSTOMY DAY! And there are even LOVE NOTES, T-SHIRTS (Of course there are T-SHIRTS!), NURSES, PAPER DOLLS, COMING OUT STICKERS and too much detail. Besides, I think I have already overwhelmed you!

1500

So, from here on out, thanks to Ellen, I will be known as:

PRINCESS WILD COW

OSTEOWARRIOR

WHAT? NO DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS FOR THREE MONTHS?

April 26, 2013 Leave a comment

Apparently I have passed a milestone. This is the joyous news that I do not have a doctor appointment for at least three months. That is amazing! For the past nine months I have had between two to four appointments per month just to keep me on my toes. I still face another surgery, however, by waiting for three months it will be an easier task.

N159-bad-attitudeNo gory details. The biggest problem I have had for the past few months has been the most incredible mood swings of my life. All who know me know that mood swings are a general operating procedure for me. However, the moods have mostly been on the down side and through the joys of chemistry and oral medication I have been able to pull myself off the roller coaster and can think with a clearer mind. This means reading has returned as a joy, I am learning the value of finding the lost socks under the bed and have even mended a shirt. Don’t worry, I have not become completely domesticated. I still don’t see dust.

I am teaching myself refrigerator maintenance. This should have been a required course for me in junior high school as opposed to sewing. I am the queen of condiments. I love fourteen kinds of mustard, pickles, and peppers. I want immediate access to any fruit or vegetable that I knew I would eat come Tuesday. I am working on meal planning and learning that miscellaneous side accoutrements  in stand alone deli displays in the grocery store.

So, who knows what the next three months will bring. Perhaps I shall learn the glory as Home Manager, Plant Grower and Domestic Goddess. Keep an eye open for an update. I won’t be getting my hopes up that this will be a total success and I recommend that you don’t either. Check back for updates and don’t be surprised by anything that may happen.

 

NINE MONTHS, NO BABY. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

March 29, 2013 1 comment

Cartoon-panic-attack

OK, I am now in a place where I can talk about the past weeks medical events.

MONDAY: The invasive x-ray that I insisted on seeing in real time. Unfortunately, I have been through this enough times to see that news wasn’t going to be the best.
THURSDAY:Saw my Wonderful Doctor! He saw the same thing in the x-ray that I saw but was in a better position to interpret the results. The best news would have been that it was time for a takedown of the ileostomy. Worst news would have been this was to be a permanent fixture in my life. (Believe it or not, I have prepared myself for that by assuming the worst.)

Luckily, Dr. Wonderful had a few more things to say about it. There are three choices.

1. Just hang around for another three or four months and see if it heals itself finally and try not to think about it. (Right, not going to happen!)

2. Have another invasive procedure that Dr. Wonderful will perform while I am knocked out so that I won’t be there to assist in the diagnosis. (Smart man.) This will give a clearer picture of what is what in there and decide if #1 or #3 is the best solution.

3. Surgical do over and start the process again. Not the best option, but a possibility that exists. Not as frightening as I once thought but not what I want either.

4. Accept my new friend as a life partner and get on with it. The down side to this is more subtle than obvious. The most obvious downside of this for me is the eventual acceptance that I will just have to deal with the effects of cruciferous vegetables in a fashion that cannot be done without having to actively participate in it.

I have finally gotten to the point that I can honestly only rely on the words of a very succinct philosopher of our times:

“And so it goes…”
— Kurt Vonnegut (Slaughterhouse-Five)